30.

I turned 30 this year. But I don’t feel like an adult. I still feel stuck in my teenages. So when adult things happen to me, I don’t seem to realise or even take responsibility.

I moved back with my parents yesterday after years of turbulence and trying to figure out life on my own. I would say I messed up pretty bad. I am not financially independent as always, I am unemployed with little skills to offer and low self-esteem, I still have the victim mentality and my long-term relationship ended as well.

Thinking back I never planned my life. I wanted to die once I turned 30. That was my one solid plan. Here I am, at 30, wanting to start over and looking forward to build a life that I had no plans for or expectations even.

I do want to overcome all my fears and insecurities and change for the better. I want to start small and stick with a job. I want to take responsibilities and feel okay in my own skin. I want to stop blaming and work on my mental health and feel close to some wholeness.

I want to stop comparing my life with others and feel small. I want to overcome the feeling that I did not achieve my full potential due to the choices I made as well as due to my childhood trauma. I want to feel enough. I want to be bold enough to imagine a future for me. I want to change all the negative lifescripts and be okay. I just want to be okay. That is what I want at 30. Being okay.

3 thoughts on “30.

  1. I completely understand and can relate my friend. At 42, I’m still living with otbers having bounced around so much after getting divorced. That was almost 10 yrs ago. I wasn’t raised to think icould be anything but dependent upon a man. I’ve never been financially stable on my own. It’s my goal now that I’ve had a spiritual awakening, healed myself incountless ways and become a shamanic healer that I gain this stability. I’m here to tell you it can be done. We can and do heal. I have so much hope for you my dear. Happy to connect here. Praying for you 😊🙏❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It made me all teary eyed. I can see how much you have worked towards what you want. Happy to connect here as well. I hope to heal as well. Thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, it’s my mission to spark that hope aflame in others because you deserve to live your truth….we all do because we are all one. What happens to one of us happens to all of us. This is how we rise, healing humanity one ❤ at a time🙏

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s