Immature Parents

Before I go on elaborating, I will claim the general disclaimer as in, this might not be the case with all Indian parents. I am really happy for those of you who got to have really mature and loving parents. This is about the majority of parents that I was surrounded by growing up and who were hell bent on driving their children crazy.

Children in my family were sad little souls who had to deal with all kinds of immature behaviour from their parents. We grew up with adults who saw their children as an extension of themselves and never as separate souls with an unique agency. When a child failed in something, there was hardly any consolation offered but criticisms raked in. Children of same age group in the family were forced to compete against each other in academic performance and when one kid outperformed the other, it was seen as a victory for their parenting. It turned the relationship sour amongst the kids. Till date, I can hardly hold a conversation with my same age cousin though we like each other and used to be pretty close when we were kids.

The adults in my family were constantly on edge. You can never finish a sentence in front of them. They do it for you. They never listen but complain that the children never talk to them. It was a common theme growing up. They always cared about external appearance more than genuine connections. They literally drove one of my cousin sister crazy. She was the super smart one in the family and I admired her growing up. Now she is alone in USA struggling with mental illness and no social support but still refuses to come back home because she knows that those at home are way more hard to deal with than her illness.

It was not just in my family that the adults were this crazy. I have friends whose parents were the same. Authoritarian parenting was a common theme in the many families around me. We never understood the immaturity of these adults who were supposed to guide us and love us. We all grew up in a shell. We never got to explore our full potential but only satisfying the needs of those immature idiots. We studied what they wanted,worked where they wanted and some married whom they wanted too. It is a cultural phenomenon that created so many unloved children with unexplored potential.

The children I grew up with (including me) are all adults now. The resilient ones are fine and get on with their lives just fine. I see them mastering the parenting unlike their parents and they are genuinely in love with their kids. They are giving them everything they failed to get as children and that is something that gives me immense joy. But the broken ones (which includes me) are still wandering, searching for our authentic selves that was broken over the years.

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